Retreat Reflection: Removing Obstacles to Healing
When we forgive, obstacles can be cleared and healing can begin.
But forgiveness is not easy.
It was shared during the retreat that our experience of God the Father is often influenced by our experience of our earthly father.
Reflecting on this, I realise I need to be mindful of how I relate to Nathanael and Nathalia.
As a father, this is both a profound and slightly frightening thought.
It is not that I am responsible for being God. Rather, my children will learn many things about fatherhood from me long before they can understand theology.
They will learn things like:
- Is a father patient?
- Is a father approachable?
- Is a father trustworthy?
- Is a father forgiving?
- Is a father interested in me?
- Is a father absent when I fail?
These experiences can influence how easily they receive the idea of God as Father.
Forgiveness and Unforgiveness
The retreat reminded us that forgiveness is an act of the will by which we surrender our right to hold on to an offence.
Sometimes, during disagreements in my marriage, I become so convinced that I am right that I stubbornly hold my ground and remain unforgiving. Looking back, I realise this is often nothing more than pride on my part.
The irony is that while I think I am punishing the other person, I am actually the one carrying the burden. I carry the hurt, the bitterness and the resentment. In those moments, I value being right more than preserving the relationship.
When this attitude persists, it damages the relationship. In marriage, it can leave deep scars.
There are many reasons why people struggle to forgive, but for me, pride is often the biggest obstacle.
Another challenge for me is apologising, especially when I feel that I am not the one in the wrong.
Yet with God's grace, I am often able to recognise how I have hurt my wife, even when I did not intend to. When I sincerely apologise, I find that she often softens and apologises too.
When both of us are willing to apologise and forgive, true healing can take place. The relationship is restored, and our marriage becomes stronger.
The retreat reminded me that unforgiveness can keep us in bondage. It can become a barrier that prevents us from receiving the healing and freedom that God desires for us.
When I choose to forgive and receive forgiveness, those barriers begin to fall away. I become freer to experience God's love, grace and healing.
I must always remember that I can forgive because God first forgave me.
His forgiveness is the source of my forgiveness.