Baptism of the Holy Spirit at LISS
Before the Baptism of the Holy Spirit session, I had already gone for the Sacrament of Reconciliation the day before. Having received God's forgiveness, I felt there was little standing between myself and the Lord.
Earlier on the final day, there was a Eucharistic Healing Service. As the Blessed Sacrament was brought out for adoration, I experienced no dramatic visions or extraordinary manifestations. Instead, there was simply a slow flow of tears that I could not control.
Later that afternoon, during the Baptism of the Holy Spirit session, the Blessed Sacrament was again brought out. We were invited to close our eyes and focus on our personal relationship with the Holy Spirit.
As the praise and worship continued, I prayed in the simple way I always had. I repeated "Alleluia", the name of Jesus, words of praise, and even simple sounds. Over the years, I had attended similar events and never received the Gift of Tongues. I had also come to peace with that. No one needs to receive a particular gift, and God distributes His gifts according to His will for the good of the Church.
Still, after a year of renewed spiritual growth, especially through Exodus 90 and a deeper commitment to prayer, I found myself hoping once again for a greater experience of the Holy Spirit.
With my eyes closed, I prayed:
"Holy Spirit, let me experience You, so that my relationship with You is not purely intellectual."
I have always been drawn to the intellectual side of the faith. I enjoy theology, apologetics and understanding Church teaching. Faith and reason belong together, but I realised that I often lean more heavily on reason.
Almost immediately after praying this, tears began to flow. With my eyes closed, I felt as though the world was gently spinning. The closest comparison I can make is the feeling of having had just enough alcohol to feel light-headed, but without any loss of control. It was peaceful and strangely joyful.
At one point, I remember thinking that I wanted the feeling to continue. Almost as soon as I thought that, it began to fade. The experience ended with a sensation similar to numbness or electricity running through both my forearms.
That was enough.
I had asked the Holy Spirit to let me experience Him, and I felt that He had answered my prayer.
As I continued praying, thoughts turned to my wife Zephyr and our children. I asked the Holy Spirit for an experience that would help me minister to them and lead them closer to God. Again, tears came.
I prayed about CatholicDad.sg. More tears.
I prayed about the new Family Life Ministry. More tears.
I felt particularly moved to do whatever I could to help the ministry succeed.
Later, we were invited to listen for words or impressions from the Holy Spirit and to share them aloud if we felt prompted.
For a long while, my mind was completely blank.
Then a simple sentence formed:
"You will be my witness."
I initially wondered whether it was simply my own thought. Yet it seemed right, and I shared it aloud.
Some time later, another message came:
"I will empower you to love your spouse."
That struck me deeply.
I had been discerning involvement in the Family Life Ministry, and this seemed like a confirmation. What stood out to me was that the message was not:
"Your spouse will love you."
Nor was it:
"Your marriage will become easier."
Instead, it was:
"I will empower you to love your spouse."
That felt very much in line with the Christian understanding of self-giving love.
I did not receive the Gift of Tongues that day.
And that is perfectly fine.
I believe I received many other gifts, and perhaps some graces whose effects I will only recognise later.
If there is one thing I took away from the experience, it is this:
God is real.
The Holy Spirit is real.
And when we sincerely seek Him, He is more than willing to meet us where we are.
God loved us first. He continues to wait patiently for us to come to Him.